Tuesday, November 3, 2009

I know I'm crazy...it's all good!

So even tho I already have 2...yes one and two...other blogs I had to have another one. Let me quickly explain. I think I may possibly be borderline ocd lol! I know, I know it's not all that funny for people who may actually suffer from the condition but I'm not poking fun. I think I may actually be borderline ocd. With this blog for example, I couldn't EVER stand even the thought of adding a personal post to one of my other blogs. Just like I couldn't stand the thought of adding one of my photo posts to my family blog...it's all got to be seperate, at least in my case. I can read someone elses blog and it doesn't bother me one bit if they have combined every aspect of their life into just one blog...but for me, in my mind, it was just unbearable! I know I'm crazy, laugh all you want...it's all good tho lol!!
So here I am at blog number three (3) and I'm pondering what to write....hmmmmmm...that's me pondering lol! It's been a while, and life's been sort of hairy the past few weeks, so I KNOW I could just unload...but I'm not going to. Why?!? I don't really know why actually. Fear I guess, that I'd actually have to face my demons by way of writing about them...or fear that I'm not worthy to be listened to...Idk. But when life gets like this for me I tend to do ABSOLUTELY NOTHING...and it's exhausting to be honest. To feel like a box is closing in around you and that the bottom could fall out at any moment is a scary feeling! But to feel that way and know that you aren't doing anything to get out of the box...is disappointing. I'm disappiointed in myself for being scared and frozen. Not knowing how or when to take the first step, or in what direction...how fast or slow to move...where it will take you...if it will be better or worse. Do I have the ability to do what I need to do and not end up walking myself off a clif...I don't know...so I don't move. And I'm exhausted in the midst of all this NOT moving. OOPS...I said I wasn't going to face my demons today lol, so I better stop!
I am trying to kick my booty back into shape tho. Good shape lol! Crystal and Shannon's wedding is in like 2 1/2 months and it's good motivaion for me to actually stick to a workout for longer than two weeks or a month lol!!! I'm wearing a strapless dress so my arms and back have got to be killer!! At least that's the goal :) Throw in a few health benifits and I'll be happy!! :)
xo Kash

1 comment:

  1. I have found the best exercise is running to the fridge several times a day! :) Your blogs are a wonderful insight to what a wonderful person you are. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings! XOXO